Hello there. Hope you’re feeling well today.Well yesterday was not the greatest one for blog villain and general political slimeball Alun Cairns. because of the cancellation of the Swansea Bay Lagoon Project. A decision that has been condemned by parties across the political spectrum in Wales. There have been calls for Mr Cairns to resign which he has so far resisted because there is a perception that he has represented Westminster to Wales and not Wales to Westminster. There are various examples of him seemingly cheerleading for Conservatism rather than Cymru but this latest one seemingly has galvanised the opposition against him.
In the spirit of goodwill and reconciliation, and because I hate his guts for calling Italians “greasy wops”. Let me help Theresa May in finding a successor as Secretary of State. And as the title of this post obviously shows I am suggesting Sooty.
You may think this fanciful. But Sooty has four advantages over Cairns.
1) He’s quiet. So no one needs to listen to his opinions as he’ll be unable to give them. The cabinet had to presumably hear Cairns prattle on with his opinions before subsequently ignoring them. None of that with Sooty.
And because he’s quiet he won’t suggest stupid ideas like, renaming an already built bridge after a member of the monarchy just to toady up to them.
2) He’s small. Possibly not as small as Cairns but still small enough to be unnoticed.
3) He’s a glove puppet. No longer will the people of Wales fall for the pretence that the Secretary of State is fighting for their interests. Instead in the spirit of openness people will see that Sooty is controlled by a hand inside his body which makes him do what Westminster wants. No more pretence. The people will know that Wales is being run by a puppet minster.
4) And let’s not deny the importance of this. He may be quiet, small and a puppet subservient to the rulings of others…â€¦
But he’ll still be more popular than Alun Cairns.
There you are Theresa. The problem of the next Secretary of State for Wales is sorted. You can sack Cairns now.
Until the next time.